When Neither Heart Speaks
by Saniwa
Summary: Ryoma and Tezuka suffer the consequences for hiding their feelings [written for a challenge in TezuRyo community]


Disclaimer: Well, Tezuka and Ryoma are still playing tennis right? Then POT is soo not mine  
Summary: Ryoma and Tezuka suffer the consequences for hiding their feelings  
Rating: PG (I guess)  
Genre: Romance, humor, angst (a bit I swear), OOC, and poor quality.  
Pairing: Tezuka/Ryoma (who else?)  
Note: For the challenge on TezukaRyouma community this week:  
(write a fic about tezuka going away (locally or overseas) to get his elbow fixed, and how ryouma reacts to the situation. The fic should be written in first person perspective in other words, in ryouma's point-of-view.  
the fic should also include at least one of the following elements: **mobile/cellular phones**, telephones/telefaxes, the internet, e-mail, webcams, **postcards**, letters, singing telegrams, overnight parcel delivery, and other forms of long-distance communication)

"…" talk _Italic –_ thought ((…)) phone conversation

**OMG, I uploaded the story before saving it (sweatdropped) so this one is slightly different. I'm very very sorry for spamming you. But I didn't want to confuse you even more so I uploaded the right one from my LJ. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Choices that we made in the past are everything of us in the present and what we will be in the future._

_M.N._

**-**

**Ryoma's POV**

I was curled up on my bed, knees up to my chest as I was hugging myself tightly. This wasn't the first time I was like this. Drown in despair and regret over something which I didn't do. Never ever in my life I was hesitate on anything. I always knew what I wanted and I would do it, sometimes even without a second thought. Even though the result might not be the one I expected, I'd never regret it. Because at least I had tried it, so there'd be no regret left.

But if it came to Tezuka Kunimitsu, I didn't know why I always doubt on making decisions. It wasn't that I didn't have the opportunity, I did have one. Right before he left for Germany to have his left elbow healed. As he was the only one left that day right after our match which was witnessed by the rest of team. He used to be the last that left the club since as a captain he has to make sure everything was safe on its place.

But what did I do was just watching him from a far, hiding behind a tree like a scared animal, hands clenching tightly on my school shirt, trying to calm my wildly beating heart.

_Buchou…_ I called him breathlessly, hoping that he'd hear it then turn his gaze on me. But supposedly, I knew that not everything was going on the way we wanted. The next day, he left Japan for an uncertain period of time which only God knows how long it would be. And I must face the fact we were separated by distance which couldn't be reached by walking or driving. Oceans and dozen other countries lay between us.

After he was gone, I did my best to stand still and to survive the days, I really did. The first week had gone rather smoothly with buchou's constant messages and encouragement for the team. However, I then realized that wasn't enough. I started losing my composure, my desire, and my strength. I was missing him, his voice even when he was barking for laps, his secret and rare smiles for me, the determination in his eyes every time he was watching over me, and his presence as a silent support to my heart.

Even my stoic façade couldn't hide my downfall anymore as some of my sempais started pointing it out after our match with Rokkaku. Why did it take me two days just to gain victory? Even though the freshman captain (1) was better than any other players in his team, but still he was not someone on Tezuka-buchou or even Fuji-sempai level. And I had proven myself to be able to fight well against them.

I couldn't admit to them that I was losing my spirit because buchou was not here or because I was a fool for not admitting my feeling for him or even because I was a coward for not having the guts to do so.

I started rocking on my bed, back and forth, as I remembered something. Today was Saturday and we were supposed to have a special training in order to face Rikkaidai. But I couldn't come to practice in my pathetic state; I couldn't show the others my helplessness which would only make them worry even more.

_Buchou, _I rested my forehead on my knees as I succumbed into fatigue. My mind and my body were terribly tired, and finally I didn't even bother to hold back my tears anymore. If I was not in my current state, I would be ashamed that my first tears were shed for something like this.

_I miss you…_

* * *

A loud knock on my door woke me up from my slumber; I opened my eyes abruptly and groaned as I felt my head spinning. "Who is it?" I managed to speak even though it took a lot of effort and hurt my throat.

"Yo, shonen. You don't have any practice today?" A lazy tone which could only belong to my father.

"No," was my short reply and I decided to go back to sleep, hoping that my idiot father would just leave me alone this time.

A sound of the door opened, _great!_ And footsteps approaching me who was lying on the bed. "Are you alright, shonen?" asked my father again while poking on me.

"I said 'NO'. Leave me alone!" I glared the deadliest at him, showing my annoyance but instead of smirking like crazy as usual, the old mad frowning.

"You're sick," He stated the obvious and I wondered why did he has to be smart at time like this.

"Yes, I am. Now leave me alone will you." In a second, I thought he was going to shrug it off and leave. But soon he has a very disturbing grin on his face.

"Ahahaha… I know, you are having a love sick, right?" then he continued with his trademark maniacal laughter, "Finally, Ryoma… Ryoma… so who's the lucky girl?" he smirked naughtily and expectantly at me.

"NO, I'm not having any…"

"Anata, leave Ryoma alone so he can rest," said my mom suddenly from the opened door. I was never ever felt utterly grateful with my mom interruption before.

"But honey, this will only happen once in centuries. I want to know who that girl is so our brat knows what he has to do with her," whined my father to Kaasan who was standing with arms in her waist, glaring dagger at the old man.

"I told you to wake Ryoma up not disturbing him. And our son is sick."

"But…"

"Echizen Nanjiroh, do you hear me? Leave NOW!" My mother usually calmed voice booming loudly, startling oyaji who was 'Eep-ing' because of that then the useless father of mine finally dragged his butt out of my room, leaving me with Kaasan who checked my condition before leaving as well.

* * *

"Ryoma-san."

"Nani?" I asked again in annoyance, couldn't they just leave me alone for today.

"I found this on the mailbox today. This is for you, it seems an overseas mail."

I took it from my cousin and thanked her with a faint 'domo'. "Have you taken any medicine, Ryoma-san? Or do you want me to cook something for you. Obaa-sama left a message that you haven't eaten anything today."

Upon hearing her words, I realized the emptiness in my stomach, "Aa… Japanese food."

"Sure, no problem, Ryoma-san. Now take a rest and I'll wake you up okay," she smiled gently.

I just nodded then she left my room. Then I turned my attention to the mail that I just received.

_Overseas!_ It was a postcard with very beautiful mountain scenery on it. I have never seen the place before. It was probably somewhere on foreign country in Europe, judging from its landscape. Indeed there was a stamp for overseas mails and when I turned it over, I gasped in shock.

It… it was from Tezuka. My heart was beating fast just like every time I was thinking about him. And it was getting faster and faster on each and every line I read.

_This is one of the most beautiful camping sites in Germany. I really want to take you there because I want to show you another beauty in this world (though it can't match yours). _

_Will you come with me? Just the two of us…_

_T. Kunimitsu_

_Can't match yours… _I gulped_, Will you come with me?_ I shook my head, feeling that my headache was getting worse. _Just the two of us…_ I slumped back on my bed, massaging my temple, _Just the two of us…_

That was a very cruel joke from whoever it was. _A damn cruel one, _could someone possibly know about my feelings for Tezuka? _But who?_ Probably one of my teammates. _I will make that person pay for this. _If they wanted to play me by pretending to be buchou, couldn't they do it in a more professional way? They were supposed to know that buchou wouldn't write like that. Because I know, buchou would never ever say things like that! A stab right into my heart. He wouldn't, _because he doesn't love me…_

* * *

_Ring… ring…_

I groaned in sheer annoyance, this was the third time my peaceful sleep interrupted already. Clumsily, I ran my hand over the bedside table, knocking things into the floor while searching for my cell phone with my face still buried into the comfy pillow.

_Ring… ring…_

_Damn, why didn't I turn it off? _Finally, my fingers touched something cold and metal; instinctively I reached for it. _Better this is something important._

((Muoshi-muoshi)) I greeted mumbling incoherently to my pillow.

There was a brief silence from the other line as the one who was calling me wanted to make sure of something.

((Echizen))

My eyes snapped wide opened and I looked up too fast till I thought I broken my already sore neck because I couldn't believe the voice who was greeting me back.

I sat up on my bed; didn't even bother to wonder why did I have the energy all of the sudden, ((Buchou!)) It was more of a statement of course.

((Aa.))

I pinched my cheek just to make sure I wasn't dreaming at that time. _Could it be possible? _Quickly, I looked at the incoming number which was registered on the screen. Indeed, the country code showing the call was from Germany since once I've read a message via fax which Oyaji's friend sent from the said country.

((Bu-buchou, why do you call me?)) At time when you were nervous you could lower yourself into a stammering idiot who loved questioning things.

((Am I not allowed to call you?)) Somehow I was sure there was a tinge of sadness upon he heard my question, "Oishi called me yesterday… concerning about your performance lately."

_Of course, buchou was always calling regarding team's matter only._ Once again I was forced to swallow the disappointment. ((Gomen, buchou. I was careless… I was distracted but I promise you I…))

((Was it because of me?))

I stopped and blinked owlishly, couldn't believe on what did I just hear. ((I don't know what do you mean by that, buchou?))

((I ask you once again, was it because of me?" "Because… if it was because of me. I will be very happy for that, Echizen."

((Buchou, I don't… I…)) I tried to conjure up an answer in panic but didn't know why I came up with nothing.

((I like you, Echizen. A lot.))

Buchou's next words silencing everything, my noisy mind and ragging heartbeat, ((Buchou… are you serious?)) that was the only unintelligent reply I could manage.

((Am I ever not being unserious, Echizen? I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before I went, Echizen.))

((I don't…))

((Please listen to me first)). There was a pregnant pause as I could hear he was taking a deep breath. ((II want to tell you how long my heart has been beating for you. How long my hands have been waiting to touch you. How long my lips have been longing to caress you…)) my heart was melted completely under those sweetness that deep velvety voice showering upon me. ((But I was afraid that I might scare you instead. I was unsure about your feelings to me, Echizen. But then Oishi and Fuji called me, saying that you were suffering after my leave, I took this chance as you might feel the same for me….))

Never had I thought, the ice-block Tezuka Kunimitsu could say such a long sappy confession but who was I to complain as I was the one who received it ((So what is your answer, Echizen?))

((You haven't heard mine, buchou. My eyes are always fixed on you. No matter how hard I try my mind always keeps thinking about you. This soul is yearning for you, buchou, and if only you knew how painful it was just able to watch you from afar.))

((Is that all, Echizen?)) He asked in growing excitedment.

((Of course not buchou…))

((Good, I want to hear everything, Echizen.))

((Everything? But it will make a very long story.))

((I don't think time is an issue because we have all the time in the world.))

((Saa… guess I need not to worry about that then, buchou.))

((Ssh… it's Kunimitsu, Ryoma.))

((Ku-Kunimitsu.)) His name sounded very right in my ear as my tongue danced, carving it for us.

((Better. Now where were we?)) I smiled as I knew he was smiling as well.

I was never being as talkative like that before in my whole life time, as Kunimitsu and I spoke for our heart the entire night. I have had my lessons. That no matter what it was never hid your feelings and passions. Speak for your heart, as you might not have the second chance for it because choices that we made in the past were everything of us in the present and what would we be in the future. The happiness was indescribable when finally we chose to tell each other our feeling as there'd a new future waiting for us. And I'd be waiting for that time… when we would be finally together.

* * *

Too sappy, blame me and my plushies? XD Gomen, it really took me so long just to finish this . but you all know why. Also I hope all of you like this. Please do favor me for any mistakes. Ja!

(1) I'm talking about Aoi Kentaro, I know he was fighting against Kaidoh in manga but hey I just read the manga up to volume 5. So, please don't sue me . I'm just a poor fans XD

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Bonus part - some of their conversation

((So, what do you think about the camping trip?))

((Uh, which one, buch… Kunimitsu, I mean. Sorry for that.))

((That's all right. I sent you a postcard.))

((Postcard?))

((You have received the postcard, haven't you?))

((That was from you?)) My eyes widened in disbelief then quickly I picked up the-suddenly-very-precious postcard from the floor and flipped it over.

((Beloved fool, of course it was from me. Do you really think, I'd send one if it was not for you?))

((Gomen.)) It seemed this feeling, _happiness, _was numbing my mind even more. ((Ah, I'd love to go there, Kunimitsu.))

((Good, come here after the final with the others. Then we can sneak out at night to watch the sunrise. We just have to take two buses to go there.))

((Wow, I don't know you've been planning for all this, Mitsu.))

((Just say I love planning everything.))

((Have you planned on what will we do there too?))

((Aaa… that is a secret, Ryoma. But you'll know soon, very soon.))

* * *

A/N: So that's why this is angst, I'll leave it to your imagination XDDDDthough I don't have to write Tezuka's POV I'll write it as well. Who would mind more TezuRyo-ness right? 


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